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WantsBaby2 - August 21st, 2005 2:50 PM

Hi girls,
This site has really gotten pretty busy downstairs, without much action going on up here. I am happy for the girls....don't get me wrong, but it leaves a few of us up here twiddling our thumbs... wondering if it is ever going to happen for us. There are a few of us up here that suffer years of constant disappointment. There's a party going on down there and we can't participate! All the pregnancies around here have me feeling a little down. It always happens for everyone else. I can't help but to feel hopeless. (and a little envious too I suppose) I know it's hard on all of us that are still walking this long, wretched journey.

So I was wondering... who of us on here have had terrible luck with infertility treatments? How are you all holding up? Are you angry? Frustrated? Ready to give up? Do you cry everytime you see a pregnant woman in the grocery store or find out a friend is pregnant? Do you cry everyday? Have you lost friends over infertilty? Do you truly feel that you will never achieve your ultimate goal? Let's get the support and stories going again up here ladies!

Wantsbaby2


meridithhasfaith - August 21st, 2005 4:01 PM

Wantsbaby2

I agree with you. We need some still stuggling stories and sharing going on. There are lots of successes, which is great...so happy for all of them!
It's hard every day for me. Harder now that I'm looking at the real possibility that it wont work for me.
I'm sorry for you too and all of the women still struggling. I hope they will post here too.

Take care,
Meridith

Trying in NH - August 21st, 2005 4:33 PM

wantsbaby2,

I am still here as well. I am so sorry that you are feeling so down lately and my thoughts are with you. You go right ahead and feel the way you do, this infertility stuff is ugly!! I am very excited for all the girls downstairs and I use it as inspiration to keep going on.

It is getting very hard for me to deal with all of this as well. Last two months I have been so angry and depressed through the whole process. This month we are being "forced" to take a month off due to 3 ruptured cysts and they won't allow us to start injections until I am cysts free. But with the pain that I was in last week, I completely agree!

Here is hoping for good luck our way..............


Fortyfour - August 21st, 2005 9:28 PM

May baby dust sprinkle on your homes.


barrenwomb - August 21st, 2005 10:08 PM

I know how feel. It does totally suck. It's great to hear success stories but it would be even greater if it was your own. It gets harder and harder with each passing month to be positive. Sometimes it just seems like it takes too much energy to think it may happen to you. The only thing we can do is hope. I hope that you get that baby that you want and I hope I get one too. The one thing that helps is knowing we have a wonderful support system like this in times of need. Good luck.

Debie - August 22nd, 2005 3:47 AM

I too feel sad about not succeeding at this. I suppose that is why I am in no rush to log into the sight anymore. I am happy for the ladies downstairs, I really am coz I know what it's like to be in the game. But I find myself asking why I can't have the same happiness. Last week a good friend phoned to say she's having a girl... I am sinking in and out of depression about this whole situation. One time I'm okay and think I can handle everything and next I'm total emotional wreck. I really pity my husband, he sees all of this first hand.


silli_kitti - August 22nd, 2005 2:27 PM

I'm so depressed I can't really be happy for anyone. I mean I don't wish them any ill-will, heavens no, its just that I am so damn jealous and so damn mad right now.

This whole process is frustrating and I can't even describe the range of emotions - "rollercoaster" doesn't do it justice. I've never been so depressed in all my life. And I know that state of mind is not a good place to be right now.

I got a BFP on Friday and I was ecstatic. I figured, there's nothing wrong with either of us, we've been trying for a whole year now, and FINALLY!! What could go wrong now?

Well, my betas are rising, but they are very low and not doubling. They told me to expect bleeding at any time.

I can't believe it. I just can't believe it.

Am I just not meant to have children?

meridithhasfaith - August 22nd, 2005 5:47 PM

Silli_Kitti

I am so sorry for that elation turned sadness. I hope it all works out...I have heard so many stories of the same low and/or not doubling betas, only to end up working out just fine. I will pray for you.

Take care everyone
Meridith

WantsBaby2 - August 22nd, 2005 7:48 PM

Silli Kitti,
I am so sorry about your levels. I will say prayers for you also. I wish things were different for you

I can certainly understand the depression part of all this. I haven't been myself now for a year and a half. This has been the hardest thing I have ever been through. My friends and family don't really understand either. They just keep saying... Oh well, there is always adoption!

Debie - August 23rd, 2005 12:53 PM

Silli-Kitti My heart just breaks for you. I know what you're going thru, late July I experienced the same thing. Wishing you all the strength and sanity you need to go through this.

I care a lot.

Debie

Fortyfour - August 23rd, 2005 1:53 PM

Silli Kitti -- I am so sorry about the beta levels. The same thing happened to me on my first baby. They didnt double the first 3 times. Can you let us know the exact numbers? Sorry just the nurse in me.


silli_kitti - August 23rd, 2005 4:05 PM

44, here are my betas:

14dpIUI - 37
15dpIUI - 46
17dpIUI - 57

I'm to go get rechecked every other day until they tell me otherwise, but they don't expect it to proceed normally.

I hate this waiting pattern. I keep thinking, I could have been on cd4 of a new cycle right now, instead I have to wait.........most likely for nothing.



Thanks all for your love. I'm really down right now!

WantsBaby2 - August 23rd, 2005 4:57 PM

Silli Kitti,
I am so sorry hun. I can't imagine what you are going through. It's what we all fear most about this whole process. I will still keep my fingers crossed that maybe things will be just fine. Keep us posted.

Wantsbaby2

Fortyfour - August 23rd, 2005 11:05 PM

Thank you for sharing the numbers. With my first baby my numbers were 58 ist one, 73 second and 121 the third. I am still hoping that this will be ok. If not- the only positive is is that you can get pg and that maybe next time it will be a viable embryo. (thats what i told myself anyway) Keep in touch. My prayers are with you.


Heidi31 - August 24th, 2005 3:32 PM

I guess I am here to vent. I am just starting on the road to infertility so to speak. Actually getting pregnant is the easy part for me it's keeping the pregnancy after implantation that is giving me massive problems. Plus I am in a remote part of maine where there aren't very many resources for info in this matter and the docs up here seem to be oblivious to treatment of infertility I usually have to suggest another treatment ! :P

I have suffered the emotional and physical agonizing pain of 9 miscarriages and 2 ectopics in the last 5 years. It has been a roller coaster ride from hell. I know -IF- I finally become successful in a pregnancy I will be in labor before I even believe it's happening and I am finally there.

I feel so excited to see all my friends having babies but I am screaming inside saying why me? And Unfortunately most of my friends and family don't even tell me anymore when someone is pregnant because they hate letting me down and they know I will go home and cry.

Any advice for this journey I am about to embark on would be great because I am so alone.

silli_kitti - August 24th, 2005 4:15 PM

44,

Do you mean to say that you had a baby starting out with bHCG numbers like that?

I had a 4th beta today - 59. My RE's office said it's doomed and if I don't bleed by next Monday, I'm to get another beta and come into the office in the p.m. to discuss what to do about it.

Funny thing is, my OB/GYN also called today (I got ahead of myself and sent him a copy of the betas) and they said I shouldn't be doing them so often because its causing me a lot of stress for no reason, and that I should repeat it in 3 weeks. They said "slow starts" are very common.

I wonder who's right? Or are they both quacks?



Heidi:

*Hugz* You have been through too much for one lifetime.

The only advice I have for you, which you probably already know, is to seek out an RE. It can be expensive and taxing if you have to travel, however, there is a lot that can be done to "treat" infertililty these days but its imperative that you see the right kind of specialist. If you really get desperate, chances are you'll end up with an RE anyway, so why not get started sooner?

Remember, you are not alone. Not here. The ladies here are tremendous, and the docs are very informative. Visit us often!

And good luck on your continued journey to babydom!

baby4us - August 29th, 2005 8:23 AM

It is cruel what we all have to go through... the waiting.. the testing.. the not knowing.. the dreams dashed.. it is just heartbreaking. Silli-kittie... you have had to go through all this waiitng and wondering and testing too much lately.. and I completely feel your despair...but you are doing the best thing.. be as informed as possible.. ask questions and demand answers...keep us informed about your journey.

Heidi.. best advice indded is to get an RE.. how isolated in Maine are you.. I have felt somewhat isolated as I am a good hour and a half from the major city where I am getting my treatments.. and everyone I run into at the clinic live in the city.. so they don't have to worrry about getting up at 3:30/4am.. driving into the city when it is dark.. and you are exhausted.. then try to get home and work! it just adds to the stress that is already there..

So keep yourself informed -- there are so many great web sites out there ( esp. this one)


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