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hi Tracy,
welcome to the club.In short I just want to tell you,that everybody expirience different things during 2ww and all of them are normal reactions-whether or not we are pregnant-don't try to make any conclusions based on how you feel,because even with every next pregnancy you will feel different.Most symptoms(or what we think they are -from all the meds we were on during the process)We have separate forum on "Symptoms" or "2ww symptoms" where you can find what other people say.I personally did not have any symptoms and got PG(no cramping,pain ar implantation bleeding),just a metallic teste in my mouth,shortness of breath and rapid heartbeat on and off-but these symptoms I'm sure were from mild overatimulation after IVF.I know the torture of 2ww,trust me,but you'll be there in no time and I hope with BFP at the end!

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Tracy- Don't stress about not feeling anything. I have been pregnant 4 times (with only 1 live birth) and each one has been different. I had cramping with the first and minor m/s. The second I had no symptoms( no cramping) except my skin was so clear when I was expecting AF. The third no cramps just lightheaded and increased hunger. Then the 4th slight cramps on and off and very queasy with no appetite. So try not to make too much of any symptoms or cramping. You never know. Good luck and lots of baby dust to you.

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Marina and Lyly

Thank you for your quick response.......sometimes a minute can feel like a lifetime when your alone with such depressing thoughts. I'm sure you guys know what its like to have all your hopes and dreams feel so close yet so far away. I always dream ahead.....imagining myself pregnant on the beach or my first christmas with the baby.....I plan it all out and then its gone.....and then I feel completely devastated

Its really nice to hear someone else say they have been pregnant without symptoms....inside my head somewhere I know that there is no logic to my feelings that the IVF failed....its just to soon to know....I know that if lets say it worked the baby (babies) would just now start making HCG and it would take more time for symptoms to appear. BUT somewhere else in my mind I have this thought that it failed .....I'm saying to myself I know it failed....over and over again......I don't even understand myself......I wonder if I'm trying to protect myself from a hard blow later or if I just don't believe something so good could happen to me. I have 6 more days till I get my beta and I don't know if I'm going to make it there in one piece.


Lyly I'm sorry for your loses. May I ask how old is your child?

and Marina may I ask .....do you have children then?

Its great to find a few new friends to help me get through this difficult time!

Thanks
Tracy

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Tracy- You may ask- I have one dd who is 9. She is from a previous relationship. My current dh and I have had 3 pregnancies. First one ended at 5 weeks next one at 4 weeks and the last at 11 weeks. We just did our first failed IVF/ICSI the end of January and are waiting to do and FET with our last 3 embies mid to late april.

As far as your feelings I think they are normal. When I did the IVF I kept feeling like it didn't work, but I wondered if I was just protecting myself from disappointment. Whatever the case, we do what we have to to get by. This journey is so emotional, but I have faith I will conquer it one way or another. Just know you are not alone, and many of us here have felt the same way you do at one time or another. It is only natural. So any time you need to just let it out. This is definitely a safe place to do it!

Lyly

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Tracy,
unfortunately,Lyly and I in the same boat-I just lost my baby on Feb 23 at 16 weeks after first IVf,still can't belive it,was feeling great,everything seemed to be perfect.I have 13 years old son from the previous marriage and we were so happy to get PG.
I'm ,like we all, trying to make sence of all what happening and here is what I'd like to tell you,maybe it will help you to look at these things different way:
this is not my words,but I found them very helpfull-
"never worry,worry is a fear,putting negative images in your mind and creates that which you worry about and fear,an illusion that becomes physical eventually if perpetuated"
So,all our worries won't change anything,they only drain us and put us into depression-the least we need right now.
I know exactly how you feel-we were dreaming about the same exactly things...All our life changes and wraps around this dream-and now it's gone.
BUT,if you let yourself to drown in this depression,you'll never get there.Nobody can help you to survive,but yourself,we have to be strong.What 's holding me-I just belive that it will happen to me one day,next time-miracles happen all the time,maybe when you don't expect them.So,don't panic and don't look for signs-just be patient.And if you need to talk-you found us.And nobody can understand you better then us,women who went through the same thing.Good luck!

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Tracy,

I totally understand your feelings. I think we think negative thoughts to help us prepare for a BFN. If you look at the 2ww posts, some people have alot of symtoms, some have none, and its no indication of if you are PG or not. Try to stay busy and positive.

I am going tomorrow for my beta. I broke down and took a hpt on Sunday, very faint positve. However, I still am not believing I am pg and probably will not unil I hear good news on 1st beta. Even then, I know I will temper my excitement with realistic thoughts that something could still happen. I think anyone who has walked this journey understands that you just don't get pg and think everything is going to be fine. Chances are it will, but sometimes it won't. Unless someone has underwent fertility treatment, they just don't understand....they get pg, with no problems, and pregnancy is fine and delivery is also good. Not a big deal. However, because we have had to educate ourselves we know more about things that the "general population" never even thinks about. Sorry to get started on ranting session, but you know what I mean!

So just take it easy, drink lots of water, take your vitamins and just wait and hope for the best.

Good luck and lots of baby dust!

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Lyly and Marina
I'm sorry. I don't know how you both have gotten through all you have been through. One miscarriage is more then enough for anyone to go through. I felt and still feel broken for my loss. I am proud of your remaning positive attitude and willingness to reach out and help me in my time of great need. Before I started this cycle my dh and I took a 6 month break.....I was lost! I needed time to heal and I thought I was ready. You know I even thought I could handle this better. I knew what to expect and I knew what not to expect......but something happen along the way and I was dreaming again. I believe that this time would be different because I had taken the break....I have lost 20 pounds (not that I was over weight but I had put on 20 pounds over the year of trying with hormons and emotional disstress) I had somewhere along the line convinced myself that this time was different and I had forgotten all about the severity of disapointment that hits when the dream is gone and the realization that the possiblity of pregnancy has also gone down. There I go again sounding like some crazy emotional lunatic. I'm sorry. I try to stay positive I really do. But please forgive me I don't know how. I have been crying and crying and crying for days. The depression has hit me and its hit me harder then any other time before. I just don't know how I will get through this if the hcg is negative?

Marina thank you for your words or should I say borrowed words. They are very helpful. Somewhere inside I know that they are true and I should follow them and I have may days where I do and then I have many self-pity days where I give in to my sorrow. I hope that I'm not bringing you all down with me. I would just hate to try to pretend to feel somthing I don't and this week I'm so sorry I don't feel upbeat at all. But I will tryto keep your words with me

Arabsrool thank you also for your understanding words I do wish you baby ust as well.... I have a good feeling for you. A faint positive is a very good sign. Let us know how it works out.

I'll say bye for now but could I ask one more time can you all tell me about the times when you were pregnant and you did not have cramping again. I eed to feel hope.

Tracy

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Tracy,

When I was pregnant with my dd, I had no symptoms, and actually thought I was getting my period. I waited until my period was 2 weeks overdue before I finally tested. I had NO SYMPTOMS of pregnancy.

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Tracy- I may seem strong now, but I must tell you I did my fair share of crying. I was so devestated when I lost the last one after seeing all of the sonos and hearing the heartbeat 3-4 times, that I was determined to start trying right away. That was probably a mistake in retrospect but I did it any way. I cried all the time on and off and some things still get me upset and trigger me. Every month when I got my period, I cried, someone announced they were pg, I cried. There were so many triggers. It is now 2 years since my last pg and nothing. All my pg's were concieved naturally so I went to seek help for multiple miscarriages. After months of clomid and injectibles we discovered yet another obstacle. Now not only are we dealing with the miscarriage issues but now infertility! Amazingly I found the strength and determination to go on. You too will find yours.

Ronda- good luck with your beta tomorrow. Sending lots of sticky baby dust your way!

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HI everyone I'm sorry I didn't write yesterday. I was just feeling sorry for myself and I had the worst negative attitude. I'm sorry and I hope that I haven't scared my new friends away?

Marina I'm really going to tatry and use those words now for real....

Guys are you ready for this???? I took a home pregnancy test and I got a faint positive!!!! I just took it this morning......well truth is I have taken many many test. I watched them be positive from the HCG shot to negaive and more negative to now faint positive.

And guys I now have that familiar cramping. Part of me is afraid that its af coming and part of me knows this feels different. My only concern is thatt my chest is really not that sore and sometimes my lower back aches a little. But I do feel a little stomach upset here and there that gives me reassurance.

Boy it sure is going to be a long wait until monday (my beta test). Anyway I suppose what Im trying to say is that perhaps I was wrong and maybe there is still a chance for a happy ending after all??

There are a million things running through my mind....shuch as this could be another tubular (even though I don't think its common to have this happen twice...one right after the other. And of course this is soon very very soon and lots could go wrong.....but I,m more on the up side.....and dreaming about the things that could go right!

Arabsrcool how did your beta go?

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Ladybug,

Yaahooo. Sounds like a BFP coming to me!! I took a hpt before my beta and it was a very faint positive also....and I got a BFP on 3/12. So keep positive thoughts, I feel a happy ended coming for you!

My first beta was 461 and second beta today was 831. Not quite double, but still really good according to the nurse. I go for u/s on 4/1 and hope I will be more relaxed about this pregnancy after I see a heartbeat.

Keep us posted!!

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Arabsrcool,

Thank you I sure am wishing on my strars!! I'm so happy for you!

May I ask how many days before your beta did you get a faint positive? and what symptoms are you having if any?

Thanks,
Tracy

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Tracy,
I had a faint positive and then a beta number of 170 maybe 5 days later. My doctor was very happy with the beta number for how long along I was - 12 dp 4 dfet (I think thats right). Try and stay relaxed as everything is looking good for you. The problem is then waiting for the next 2 weeks to pass before you can have a scan. I will not properly relax until I have had a scan and seen a heartbeat.

Jamie

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Also, forgot to say my symptoms were slight lower back and hip joint pain and thats all. I get terrible morning sickness so I am just waiting for that to kick in.

Jamie

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Tracy,you are doing good!
I had neg.result with hpt 5days after the transfer,and than 2 days later-faint positive.My first beta was 21( I was in tears, had little hope),than 48h later- 66 and than 267.It was progressing well-more than doubled every 2 days.I had no symptoms(now I 'im not so sure that it's a good sign),I had no m/s,no cramping, no back pains.But I had really bad heartburn a couple of times and(sorry for the detals-gassy very often.My boobs were just a little bit sore,not much and didn't really changed in size.And I also has that metallic taste in my mouth for about 4 weeks.
So,Tracy,head up,girl,belive in very best and dont try on every bad situation that happens to other people!

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Thanks Jamie and Marina,

today I'm sorry to say I'm not in good spirts again. The cramping has stopped. The line on the pregnancy test has gotten darker but all my symptoms have stopped. You know it amazes me how things are up and down this time.

Jamie I understand what you mean about wanting to see a heart beat. When I was pregnant last year that was all I wanted to see. (I miscarried at 9 weeks) My dh once told me you never stop worrying.....even once they are off in college. However they do say that once you see a heart beat you should be ok.

Marina you story does give me hope however with my last IVF my first beta was 13 and doubled to 26 then slowly went up to something like 32 then something like 41......this went on for a few weeks. it turned out to be a tubular pregnancy. I suppose I'm just thinking of all the bad situation that have happen to me.....the home pregnancy tests are great only they don't tell you if your beta is only 13 and I suppose I'm afraid thats whats happening again.

I just want to be wrong guys and I'm trying to hang in there its only 2 more days right.....but the thing is my dream ends or begins in 2 days.

Tracy

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