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Um, you have every right to be upset about it.

You know, screw MIL if she can't realize that YOU WILL GET BIG! And DH should realize that you can't grow another human being without a teeny bit of expansion.

Sheesh.

My MIL is a cow. We do NOT get along. She chided me before we got married to join a gym to trim down, which I didn't, and with all the stress and hormones in infertility I gained some weight...and the ONLY person it bothered was HER! The first time she saw me after we told them we were pregnant, she yanked up my shirt to see what was going on. My husband nearly died - he can't stand the fact that she is such a cow to me.

So, my advice to you is this - walk as YOU feel the energy to walk. Eat as much as you like, and whatever you like because YOU ARE GROWING A CHILD IN THERE! The LAST thing that should be on your mind is dieting, excercising to prevent weight gain or how big you'll get. You're going to gain weight. You're going to be tired and not feel like excercising, ESPECIALLY when you work as much as you do. You're going to get enormous at the end...bigger than you believe possible. It happens to every pregnant woman I've ever known late in the 8th month...you can't haul around 7 or 8 pound human being in your guts without being: 1) uncomfortable and, 2) being a little large and in charge.

I have to tell you that right about week 10, I lost my give a damn. When people piss me off, I tell them. If someone asks me something that irks me, I tell them. I'm nice about it, but I'm no longer one to take people talking to me or telling me things that really bother me. I'm allowed to be offended by things that people say...especially things they shouldn't say. And, it's OK! You have feelings, they are ALL valid, and they are ALL OKAY!!!

So, stand up for yourself with MIL and DH. It's okay to disagree with someone and stand up for yourself...be firm...but, you don't have to be a bitch about it. I worked in a business that was totally male dominated. The kind of place where if a women stood up for herself she had to be a bitch, which perpetuated the stereotype of women being strong and psycho feminists.

So, to avoid MIL thinking you're out of your tree, just be firm with her but not mean. Now as for DH...he's going to irk you...you can't live with someone while you're pregnant who isn't going to make you want to smack them. Just do the same thing here - be firm, talk to him about it and your feelings and let him know it hurts you, makes you mad, whatever. If you can't talk now, you're going to have bigger problems when baby arrives.

The biggest priority in any parent's life is the relationship with their spouse. That is the greatest gift you can give to your child - a caring and wonderful relationship with your husband.

Relax...you're fine. You look great. I don't know how you're getting through ELEVEN HOUR SHIFTS being so tired! You'll need a foot spa or foot massager...you poor kid. You're already a wonderful mother, so relax and enjoy the ride of pregnancy. Don't let anyone take that from you. This is a tremendously special time that you should ENJOY...so relax and enjoy it! Your doctor will tell you what you should and shouldn't be worried about, so until your doc raises a flag, ENJOY!!

Have a GREAT day!!


HeatherMac

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Oh My god...I completely DITTO what Heathermac said. She's completely right. You are growing 2 human beings. You will gain weight and rightly so!

I don't know if it is like you said, "They are just trying to help" I'm not so sure. I think they are trying to make sure you don't get a certain way that offends THEM! Big difference. If it were me, I would march right over to DH and say, the answer to your question to your mother is YES, I will get BIG, I'm carrying your 2 children! I think he is really concerned with if you are going to stay big. You can tell him your honest intention of losing weight or what you want, after the babies are born. But for now, I wouldn't push yourself to be a certain way or look a certain way for someone else.
I read that twin pregnancies tend to have a high weight gain in the beginning and level off for a while then packs back on in the end. You are an individual and you will surely do what's right for the babies, not your appearance for the sake of MIL or Husband.
I don't post down here too often but I do keep track of all of you special mommy's and when I saw this, I had to say something.
You are great the way you are, Cassandra and working 11 hour shifts...I don't know how you do it. Take care, hon.

Meridith

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Cassandra - see...more cheerleaders!! YEA!! We're rooting for you!!

Meridith - HOW GREAT TO SEE YOU!! How are you?? Where are you in your cycle...how are things going...I hope all is well with you and that you're well on your way to your next IVF!! I wish you tons and tons and tons of babydust and luck and goodness!!

Cassandra - I nearly forgot you're growing TWO people in there!! You're a tremendous woman who has a whole community of support here!! You grow girl!! ;)


HeatherMac

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Hiya HeatherMac

Great to see you too! I am doing well. On bcp. Seeing the RE on the 1st of June where I will get my protocol and probably start stimming meds around the 10th of June, give or take. I am pretty excited. I can't wait to get the ball rolling, so to speak. Of course, back before I was on bcp, I thought that would get the ball rolling but now I want MORE! lol I'm not the most patient nut in the tree. ;)

I always check in on you guys...smiling the whole time when I see things you guys are feeling and remembering when I did. When I write to other people who have had loss or are having a hard time, I will then come down here for the dose of happy. :)

Take care and have a great weekend!

Meridith

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Cassandra, Heather said it all. I wish my MIL will say anything about my weight. I'm a plush kind of gal now. Also, Meridith hit it on the head when she said they're probably more concern about themselves than. I knew a woman who stressed her whole pregnancy about gaining weight because her DH wanted her to be the same size she was before she got pg. She was pg with twins and it use to piss me off when she will tell me the stuff he would say. She could've had a more happier time. You know what's right for you and your babies and you dr will tell you when there is a cause for concern.

Meridith, I wish you all the luck on your next cycle.

Heather, you were so right. This is my first post in about a week or so. I'm ready for yet another nap. Oh, I wish for my energy's return.

Take care ladies.

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My husband told me when I was pg the first time. Its a good thing your boobs are so big it balances out your butt. Good thing we were in the store at the time? Take care all.

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Heathermac,Merideth,Babybound and fortyfour,

Thank you so much for your responses! I am having a hard time concerning my feelings and talking about it. I don't want to be a pushover. Lately DH and I have been arguing more and I don't like it. I just don't feel the support I want and crave from him.
We are having financial problems and he once actually said he wanted towait before we got pregnant again! In the heat of an argument that does not help. He says he is worried about being a father and all the pressure that goes with it.
Today we have to go a party and I know he will drink a lot. I'm preparing myself now. He feels it is a stress reliever which it is. I just don't feel like the happy smiling pregnant girl I was.
Thanks for letting me unload...some things are really starting to bother me and I just don't have a good outlet for my emotions. I will eat all I want today and try to have a good time! Thanks for listening...cassandra

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Cassandra,

You poor thing, this is supposed to be the happiest time for you.....Your MIL sounds like a cow. Have you seen any photo's of her when she was pregnant???????

I think that women should put on a reasonable amount of weight when they are pregnant, you are nuturing a new life and should never be worried about how you are going to look after....Believe me it comes off. I put on 30 kilos with Billie and lost every single bit of it in around 3 months.

You are also right about us being very emotional right now, and that should make MIL and DH support you even more......Dont take any notice of their callous remarks....I think you need to have a chat to them and let them know how much their comments have hurt you.

I wish I could give you a big hug...

Shaz

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Cassandra

I hope the outing went ok. I know that men sometimes change when a baby is on the way. Even a much wanted, much loved already, baby. My dh didn't act argumentative, he actually acted weird...he bought a boat and spent almost 3 months working on it and putting money into it...all this immediately after finding out were finally pregnant after 10 years of trying! When he looks back on it now, I can tell he is embarrassed by his odd obsession but I can also tell he doesn't understand it and doesn't even think it was pregnancy related. I know not all men act in odd ways but I know a lot do and try not to take it personally. As much as he wants the babies that are on the way, he is scared to death and has to work it out.
You don't have to take any callous or rude comments though...you don't deserve that.
I guess what I'm trying to say is that things do go screwy for a while but they do bounce back and it is really very wonderful when the baby is (or babies are) here and they are sleeping through the night and a routine is established. So, expect the crazy stuff and know it's normal and just concentrate on the beautiful babies you are growing! ;D I promise, it does get better!

Meridith

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Hi everyone! I hope you all had a great Memorial weekend! Yup, dh got drunk on Sunday but to seehim sick that night from it I felt sorry for him. We had a good time anyways. I can see he is trying to cope in his own way. I have known him most of my life. We started dating when I was 16. We have been married for 12 years soon to be 13. We have had our share of problems in the past but we seem to get through. We do love each other immensely. I can tell my mood swings affect him also. At the party we actually joked about it and that seemed to relieve tensions.
Yesterday I woke up in one of the best moods I've ever felt and that he also catches. I have realized that how I feel directly affects him.
Yesterday we had a cookout toenjoy the wonderful weather and this time I invited my friends with children.
We had a great time.
You know, it took me 2 hours to get ready because I couldn't find anything to wear. I tried on my entire wardrobe! All my shorts from last year were too small. The one pair I bought this year is all that fits! My T shirts don't reach my bellybutton, I had to wear a maternity shirt, but I have to say, it was the most comfortable! ;)
I'm gonna have to pick up some mens Tshirts this week!
I finally am starting to feel a little calmer now. My girlfriend who works at the OB gave me a ton of pregnancy mags Sunday and I have been poring through them.
Monday is my first OB appt. Tuesday is my physical. Thank you everyone for sharing with me. I don't feel alone in this anymore. Take care all...cassandra

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Fortyfour, if that happened to me I would probably cry!
I really hope one child I have will be a boy because I really am hoping to understand them better. My father left us when we were young and it was only my sister and mom when I grew up. Mom never remarried. Anyways, my husband is really the only man I've ever known and things they do perplex! ;D cassandra

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Cassandra, I was so shook up that when I arrived at the doctors they couldnt get any blood from me my veins were so constricted. They gave me water and had me relax and then got blood. I told him to not do that again. Next time just get out of the way. I dont understand them much myself. I always wonder what to do if i have a boy. I will need a very thick book.

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