|
HeatherMak,
I don't blame you for wanting to go down the same road again. We were about to do it again, but found out that I had gotten p/g naturally. Luckily I was still followed by the RE, b/c of my m/c history. I too felt very guilty for wanting another, especially since I had had twins. I mean come on... what kind of person was I praying for another baby when I had already had 2??? I truly believe God understands. I began praying for #3 not long after I had the twins. Now I think to myself, what in God's name was I thinking???? Seriously I wouldn't trade my life, although I must be honest that it is quite difficult having the twins and Patrick two years apart. If life had been different, and getting p/g and maintaining a p/g would have been easy, I would have waited to have to try and get p/g, but since it took almost 3 years to conceive a healthy p/g, we decided to begin trying almost right away after the twins were born.
I don't know if I would have genetic testing. I feel what is meant to be will be. I would never abort if it turned out something was wrong w/ the baby. That being said if you did IVF this time around you could do PGD. Had we not conceived Patrick on our own, we were considering the option of PGD, since my m/c were more or less due to chromosomal abnormalities. We know the 2nd was due to an aneuploidy, which causes most m/c, but the fact that I had had 3 m/c caused me concern. I have learned that no matter what, there are no guarantees in life. Patrick was born a full term healthy baby; I assumed that he would make all milestones on time and have no health issues. Well, just like his brother and sister he too has not met his milestones on time and now gets Early Intervention too just like they did. He will be 1, Jan. 5 and still has yet to stand b/c he doesn't have the trunk strength to support himself and he also has feeding issues. He actually is more behind than the other two. I could torture myself w/ what did I do during my p/g to cause this or why can't life be easy just for a little bit, but that is not the path God has chosen for me. When life gets really hard or when I feel that I just need a break from it all, I think back to those days when I cried all of the time , literally all of the time, and think this is so worth it, b/c I could never picture my life w/o my little angels:) (who can sometimes be devils ;D)
I don't think you are selfish at all, and I think God understands. It is okay to want a sibling for Duncan and a another child for yourself. If you didn't have infertility issues this would be a non subject. I always reasoned it out that way. People w/o infertility issues never give it a second thought, so why is it that infertile people feel so guilty for wanting to it a second time. It isn't fair to always feeling guilty about wanting to be a Mom or have more children. If it were me I would go full throttle and start the process all again. You are a terrific Mother, and Duncan would make a wonderful big brother :) I will certainly keep you in my thoughts and prayers. Sorry to have written a book ;)
Take Care and Happy Belated 1st B-day to your beautiful baby boy :)
Meg
Reply
|
