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Baby4us,

Take it easy...You are still a GREAT MOM :) No one said having a baby would be easy, despite having fertility treatments. With our twins I didn't really experience any difficulties w/ depression, but with the new baby I think I was in a very anxious crazy place. We had very many things going on in our lives, plus we had two very demanding two year olds. I thought some days I was going to lose my mind. I was crying constantly. My husband came home from work one day and I was just sitting in a chair crying holding the baby, while the twins were being lunatics. I never sought professional help, as I knew I was under a lot of stress, but I do know where you are coming from. I wanted another baby so badly and got p/g, and also cherished the twins so how come I wanted to run away from the craziness without a second glance??? I still get anxiety attacks w/ palpatations when the twins get totally out of hand. I probably should see someone, but like everything I think I can control it and do try to control it b/c I don't want to seem weak.

I have a friend who had some PPD, and is doing well now. She was already on meds prior to getting p/g and stayed on them during p/g, but had to up her dosage after having the baby b/c she was having a difficult time coping. You are not alone in your daily struggle.

I think you are very courageous to share what you are going through. It is very hard having a newborn and being sleep deprived, but it is good that you recognized your problems and got help. Don't feel guilty about how you feel. It does get much easier after the baby will hit the 3 month marker. Most babies beging to sleep through the night when the get to three months. Your daughter will soon be interacting with you and that also makes a world of difference. Just b/c you went through fertility treatments doesn't mean that you won't have the same problems/ feelings that other people who didn't go through fertility have. I struggled immensely with that and actually still do. I figured that b/c I struggled to have children that I automatically would be the best, most patient and loving, parent ever and that God would give us the best behaved children. Unfortunately that isn't the case. I struggle like all other moms.

Don't give up. Keep coming here to the site to vent and talk just like you did when you struggled to get p/g. We will be here for you. We all know that you love and cherish your beautiful little miracle, but unfortunately your body and hormones have to get regulated to help you feel better. Take it one day at a time and it will get easier.

I will keep you in my thoughts and prayers :) Please take care and sening you lots of Hugs :)

Meg

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Baby4us,

I am so sorry you are going through this. I personally have not had the experience you are having, but I know a lot of women do. A close friend of mine had PPD after her twins were born. It was hard to watch her in that state, but she has recovered from it. I am glad that your parents are able to help you out. I hope that the meds and the therapist can help you get through this. You can battle through this as you did infertility.

I have struggled myself with anxiety since the baby has arrived. I tend to want all things to be a certain way and with all of my 4 year olds activities, the demands of a baby, and the demands I place on myself with the housework, I have gotten in many a funk in the last few weeks. There is not enough time for everything and I get anxious about it all. I know that probably sounds crazy, but it is true!!

I hope you get better soon. We are here for you all the way!

Justme

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Baby4us, I just discovered your last post. We are all here to help you, however we can. So please keep coming back to this site and we'll be there for you.

Don't beat yourself up. This situation, a brand-new baby, is something you have never dealt with before and you need to give yourself a break. Despite all the books you can read, you still have to figure it out yourself, and I understand it's not easy. I don't know if the hormones also have a role to play in that, but if they do, don't forget that you can not control them., So if you feel like crying , well, you have to cry. Make sure you ask for help with the baby, so you can have a little time for yourself. Asking is not easy but it seams that your parents are around to help you.

I understand that after wanting something so bad and going through the treatments, now that the baby is here, you would be feeeling on cloud 9. Well, it's discounting the hard reality, feedings, caring, lack of sleep and the list goes on. All of this doesn't mean that you don't love your little Annabel and that you are not the best mother for her.

I hope the meds will help you, at least you are not waiting too long to seek help.
Take good care of yoursef.

Lots of hugs to you.
Fiso

PS> You didn't scare me! I know it's something I may have to deal with.

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Thanks everyone for your well wishes.. it has been a rough go... but am in therapy and I think the meds are finally starting to work.

Annabel is at 7 weeks now and DH keeps saying teh next month will be much easier than the last.. so I am hanging on to that thought and just taking things one day at a time...

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Hi baby4us. how are you?
One day at a time is all you can do.

Know that I'm thinking about you. You definitely gave me food for thoughts.

Everything is fine for me. She is 2lbs 12oz and growing!!! She is still very active, and all over the place.
Getting tired easily now, I can tell the difference, but I do with it.
Can't wait to finish working at the end of August. My mind is really not in the work-mode!

Hang in there. I hope you won't need to be on meds for too long.
Hugs,
Fiso

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Hi Fiso... def. take that last month of work off.. I was stupid to not do that... and I think you will really enjoy it! Don't let guilt keep you working.

i still have my bad days and my good days but I seem to be handling things a bit better... the weather doesn't help though.. with it being stinking hot and humid.. it is hard to get out and about with a baby... but I am trying to cope and take it one day at a time.. that is all I can do

I hope to be feeling better soon.. Annabel is almost 2 mos so it is amazing how quickly time flies... I just have to keep reminding myself that...
Hope everyone is doing well!!

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Am starting to feel a bit better.. it is so great coming here.. I hope everyone is doing well.

Annabel is now 2 mos! wow... she goes for her immunization tomorrow and not looking forward to that!

I am also glad August is here.. July i salwasy way too stinking hot and humid and the bugs are bad.. once August rolls around the temp and bugs get more manageable!

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Baby4us,

I have not logged into this sight for ages and logged in tonight to read your post. Babe I have so been where you are and know exactly what you are feeling. It's like being in a very dark fog where you cant see, cant think, dont know what you are feeling and why you are feeling. You feel incredibly scared and alone almost child-like. The anxiety attacks are crippling and come from nowhere and you would rather be anywhere but where you are and be anything but a mother. It's ok, I am living proof that things get better. The day after Billie (6) was born I was a shattered mess. I locked myself in the bathroom and cried for 2 hours. It was all so overwhelming. I didnt tell anyone, not until the 4 week mark. By then I couldnt pretend anymore. At one stage I was taking the dog for a walk by myself and was just going to keep walking and never go back. When I did get back I begged my husband to take me to the doctor. I was put on anti-d's but things got so bad for me that I had to be hospitalised for around 2 months. I had Billie with me and if not for that hospital I dont know where or if I would be today. I have been off and on drugs ever since and after the birth of Mackenzie (8) months I was finally diagnosed with Bi-polar. Have been on the appropriate medication for 6 or 7 months and have actually had lots of moments of sheer happiness and bliss. Things sometimes arent great but I have come to the realisation that I will be on medications for the rest of my life. But hey - if that's what it takes to keep me well then I'm not above it. Thing is I am an extreme case, my depression was very severe and looking back on my life had a few depressive episodes that probably attributed to it.......Now the fact that you had had fertility treatments to have your babies does not make you immune to PPD........Think about what you have been through to get that precious bundle. All of the highs and lows the hormones you pump into your body.........No-one knows why this happens to some people and not others...In my opinion those of us that are very organised, methodical, have things under control are more likely!!!!!!!! I know that after 5 years of IVF cycles to get Billie I had alot of time to think about the mother I was going to be, the kind of (perfect) baby I was going to have. The birth was going to be so romantic and I was going to fall in love with her immediately...None of that happened and when it didnt I felt an incredible amount of guilt...........

Babe all I can say is hang in there. It does get better and then it might get bad again but in the end it's all ok. Your drugs will start working you will gain some confidence and things will start falling into place. And remember that there is no time limit on this illness....Dont put too much preassure on yourself to get well to quickly......Most of all - ACCEPT ANY HELP YOU ARE OFFERED.......and be kind to yourself.

If you ever need to talk over e-mail please just e-mail me.

Hugs and kissess

Shaz.

xxx

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Thanks Shaz... so great to hear from you.. but sorry to hear that you havebeen through a rough patch as well... I am def. feeling better.. am on Paxil and have been seeing a therapist regularly.

Annabel is 3 mos now and is so much more interactive and def. on a great schedule so it makes it so much easier!

Thank you aagin everyone for your care and concern.. I know I am not out of the dark yet.. btu I feel better able to cope....

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Hi baby4us, I am sorry that you have to go through this. I never went full term but I had what they called ppd after my second miscarraige. My body never seemed to recover and at month 2 I was so afraid of my impulses- wanting to drive off the road every day - lie down somewhere and never get up- just divorce my husband and go - that i finally went to the doc. They put me on Lexapro and 6 weeks later those feelings started to go away. It was the scariest thing. So opposite thinking and behavior for me. It will get better. I am also nervous for going full term and what may happen but know the symptoms now. Our bodies are an amazing thing. Take care.

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Thanks everyone for your support.. it has been a long road.. but the therapy and meds are starting to work.. I am almost feeling normnal.. what a journey!! Thank you to everyone for your well wishes and to those of you who also sent me private messages and e-mails!!

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