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Fortyfour - August 25th, 2005 7:03 PM

Well it looks as if I will coming to the top of the boards again. We went in today for my u/s and both babies were dead. I have my d/c tomorrow. I am devastated beyond words. My husband has been crying all day. The doctor thinks it either autoimmune or clotting factor now. I just wish he had tested for all this before I had to do a second m/c. I already miss my 2 little ones and dont really care about anything right now. I really hate to see my husband so sad. I feel like it is my fault since I was the one who talked him into having babies and now all we have is a broken heart. Take care all of you and baby dust to all.


sblanton2 - August 25th, 2005 7:52 PM

Fourtyfour,
I am so sorry. I know that doesn't help much but I was really sincerely hoping things would work out for you. Take care of each other you and your husband, I wish you well.

Sylvia

JenniferS - August 25th, 2005 9:53 PM

Fortyfour,

I am so sorry for your loss......I will keep you & your husband in my prayers every day.

Jennifer

WantsBaby2 - August 25th, 2005 10:59 PM

Fortyfour,
I was just sitting here reading your post and screaming NO! NO! NO! It seems so impossible that this could be happening to you again. You poor thing. I am so sorry. Life just isn't fair... not one bit. I will say prayers for you and your hubby tonight. Just know that we are all here for you. You have many many friends here.

Wantsbaby2

Fortyfour - August 25th, 2005 11:07 PM

Thank you all for your thoughts - i am still in shock and think that this must be a really bad dream. How could this all happen again. All I can say is that I really enjoyed everymoment of this pregnancy, all the dreams that came with it. I laughed and I dreamed and stayed optimistic until the bitter end. It all seems so cruel. My heart is once again ripped out of my chest and stomped on.

I am going to research with my new ob tests to do to find out what the heck is going on. I get pg easy but the babies wont grow past 8 weeks. I will be changing RE doc. He has always been too nonchalant about things.

I would like to try again in Dec/jan/feb so I need to get a move on and find out what is going wrong.

Take care all and baby dust to everyone.


barrenwomb - August 26th, 2005 12:06 AM

I was so sorry to hear your news. I can't believe it. It just doesn't seem fair. I wish there was something I could say that would help with the pain but I know there isn't. Just try to hang in there and you and your hubby take care of eachother. I really hope and pray that you get a baby soon.

Debie - August 26th, 2005 12:14 AM

I'm here and I don't know what to say coz sorry seems so empty.

oneandonlymel - August 26th, 2005 5:02 AM

fourtyfour my heart goes out to you and I am so very sorry for your losses! I know nothing can make you feel better, but just know you have all of us to lean on. I will pray for you and your husband that the pain will fade and things will work out with a healthy baby or babies in the end!!!

cassandra - August 26th, 2005 8:48 AM

Fortyfour, I am soo sorry to hear of your loss. I can't believe this has happened to you again. You are in my thoughts. My condolences to you and your dh. Please take some time off of work and rest. Will they be able to determine the cause with the d&c? I hope you will find some answers. I will be here. Please vent your anger and sorrow anytime. I hope new drs. will be more informed for you.
cassandra

silli_kitti - August 26th, 2005 9:40 AM

44,

I cannot imagine how you are feeling right now. I'm so sorry for your loss. You and DH be strong, lean on each other, pray together, you will get through this. We don't deserve such heartache - after all, we just want to be moms!

My DH has sometimes been down right mean to me over my mood swings, but one thing he's right about is this:

When you are feeling like your world is crumbling and you fall into depths of despair, always remember, that once you have hit bottom, there is only one way to go - and that is up!

Grieve, get angry, make peace, then get up and get to it again!

You have my heartfelt sympathy, and my most sincere wishes for success in the near future.

SMS1129 - August 26th, 2005 10:09 AM

44,

I just read this thread and I wanted to add my condolences. I was so shocked to see your post. I do hope they find what the issue is and you end up back on the bottom of the boards real soon!

In the meantime, take care of yourself and your hubby!!

Sue

Fortyfour - August 26th, 2005 11:44 AM

Thank you everyone for your thoughts and prayes I go infor my d/c in 3 hours. I really hate having to do that to my body again. My hubby and I both took ativan last night and slept good all night. My eyes open this morngin and I realize that it is really true, my babies are gone.

Thanks once again everyone - this would be unbearable without you all. Baby dust to all.


meridithhasfaith - August 26th, 2005 6:14 PM

44
I just got back online and I saw what happened. I am SO sorry! How much can one person take? This completely sucks. I wish there was something I could do. My heart is breaking for you. I'm just so sorry.

Meridith

Fortyfour - August 27th, 2005 12:05 AM

Thanks Meredith

To top it all off my cat is missing today and the way the others are acting he is gone for good. My one cat wont get out from under the bed. This is my cat that we found at a week old and I bottled fed. He always layed on my chest like I was his momma even when he was 5 years old. I must have not latched the door in my ativan state last night. I cant believe it.

I had my d/c today and it went except for the massive vomiting afterwards. I havent reacted that way since my first surgery. ( i have had 5 different surgeries.)

2 nurses that I use to work with were my nursed and I knew the anesthesiologist from a hospital I worked at. As soon as I say them I felt safe. I am cramping alot tonight but it is tolerable. Take care all

oneandonlymel - August 27th, 2005 6:21 AM

fourtyfour, I just wanted to say I hope you find your cat! I have 2 of my own and they are like your children. I am sure he will come back, my indoor cat got out before and I thought she was gone, but she ended up coming back the next day! I am once again so very sorry about your losses and I hope you are feeling better soon!


Megan - August 27th, 2005 9:13 AM

Fortyfour,

I just read your post. I am so very sorry forn your miscarriage and all that you have been through. I know your angel babies will be watching you from heaven and helping you get through this loss. You are such a good person... I don't understand why bad things always happen to good deserving people????? Life is just not fair... I hope you are resting today and get the answers that you need as to why this keeps happening to you. I will continue to pray for you and your little angels that you make it through this time of grief. I have been down that miscarriage hell hole and understand the despair and loss that you feel. Please take care of yourself and know that we are always here for you and will continue to pray for you.

Sending Love and many comforting Hugs your way,

Meg

tinkerbell - August 27th, 2005 9:23 AM

FortyFour,
I can't believe what I have just read! I've been following up on your pregnancy and was telling my DH all about it, being so excited for you and for our possibilities. I can't until now, believe what happened. I am so sorry. I know it's not enough but I know too that you are a very strong woman. Pls take care of yourself, we are all here for you.

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