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oneandonlymel - May 2nd, 2005 2:19 PM

Well this morning I got the call and my heart broke once again! Friday my hcg was 63 and yesterday it was only 32, she said she expected me to start bleeding soon. I go tomorrow for another blood test to see if it is still dropping. I feel so numb after crying and crying! She said she really feels it is due to my clotting problem and we are doing everything we are suppose to so I dont know what to do now. I just want it over with and now i just have to wait for the miscarriage to start.


justme - May 2nd, 2005 2:56 PM

Oh my, I am soooo sorry this is happening to you. Does this definitely mean that you will lose the pregnancy? I have not experienced that but it must be so very hard. We are here to listen to you.

Justme

Lynne - May 2nd, 2005 3:15 PM

I'm so sorry oneandonlyme, I so wish it would have been better news, take some alone time and rest, cry all you want to; it may seem like meager comfort but a new cycle is comming and there is always hope. Take care of yourself and come vent as often as you need to.

shaz - May 2nd, 2005 3:34 PM

Oneandonly,

There is nothing I can say that will ease your pain, I am so sorry you have to go through this.

We are here for you....

(((((((((hugs)))))))))

Shaz

WantsBaby2 - May 2nd, 2005 5:56 PM

One and Only,
Oh I am so sorry! I wish there was something I could say to comfort you. It is so unfair. You will be in my thoughts and just know you can come here often and lean on all of us for support. You will be in my prayers.

Wantsbaby2

ElizabethS - May 2nd, 2005 8:53 PM

Mel - my heart breaks for you. This is so cruel and unfair. I am just so sad for you. Please don't feel bad about the tears....sometimes that is the best form of healing. We are here for you.


Fortyfour - May 2nd, 2005 9:41 PM

oneandonly, I am so sorry for what is happening. How disappointing. I know there is nothing I can say to help you, just be her for you when you need us. It is so unfair to have that disorder. Keep in touch.


Meg - May 2nd, 2005 11:48 PM

Oneandonlymel,

I am so very sorry for your disappointing news. Please know that you are being thought of and prayed for. I hope the Dr.s will be able to shed a little more light on why this keeps happening to you, even though you are doing everything possible to keep a p/g going. I wish I could say something to make the pain go away. NEVER feel dumb for crying, you have every right to feel sad and upset. Please take care of yourself and know that we are here for you.
Meg

oneandonlymel - May 3rd, 2005 5:26 AM

i am so glad I have this site to be sad! I have cramps, but I haven't had any bleeding yet, I go today and they are going to do another level check and I want to think they were wrong and the levels are up! I know in my heart that isn't going to happen, I called my mother to tell and as I started to cry she cried with me and it broke my heart to hear her cry! I thought getting pregnant was suppose to be the happiest time in a woman life and I can't be full of joy because I keep losing them. I have been through alot in my life and this is the hardest to get past! I want to believe that it will happen and stay positive, yet I am so afraid it isn't meant to be! The doctor said well it is a good thing that you can get pregnant, well I don't know what it worse trying and it not happening or the tease of getting pregnant and keep losing it! I don't want to feel bitter but knowing there are drug addicts and woman who shouldnt' get pregnant having babies and here I am doing everything right and it isn't working! What the hell! I am not giving up and I pray that I won't have to! Thank you for listening, I could go on and on, but enough self pity!! Again EVERYONE THANK YOU SO MUCH FOR LETTING ME CRY ON YOUR SHOULDER!!!!

meridithhasfaith - May 3rd, 2005 9:34 AM

Oneandonlymel

I just teared up as I read the name of the thread you started. Worst of the worst news. I am so sorry.

I was thinking exactly what your dr. said. At least you can get pg, that's half the battle. But...not ever having had that problem, I don't know if that's insensitive to think that way.

I was glad to see 2 posts from you. The 2nd one venting. That's so good for you. Good for all of us. I pray for your strength to get you through the coming days and also for a solution to this problem for you.

Take good care of yourself. *hugs*

Meridith

Debie - May 3rd, 2005 12:24 PM

Oneandonly

I am so very sorry you are going through this. We'll keep praying for you. I don't know what to tell you. I am scared I'm anxious and I'm very sad that you have to go through this again.

Debs

TTC in SoCal - May 3rd, 2005 1:57 PM

oneandonlymel..... i am truly truly sorry for your loss. I have been in your shoes so i know the excruciating pain you are feeling. I wish i could absorb some of it for you, but it is something we have to live through. fortunately, you have this group of strong women who can give you comfort and listen to you vent. Know that as alone as you feel.... you are not alone. my heart aches for you and the little one you won't get to know. he is joining the other angels lost to us here.
time heals and i hope you find a small bit of comfort in this time.


Fortyfour - May 3rd, 2005 9:58 PM

I would have like to have not gotten pregnant than gotten pg and then miscarried. It was an experience I could have lived without.

On my new job I have a new supervisor that started 23 weeks after me. I was worried about how she would handle my days off with the next IVF. We were in orientation together and we got on the subject of babies and found out that she had IVF last October, got pg and then miscarried in January. Oh my God, she know exactly how I feel. What are the chances of that, a fellow infertile so close to me. We just looked at each other like "wow". Angels everywhere sometimes.

I am still having panic attacks but only every 2-3 nights. I have a dream that wakes me up but I cannot remember what it is when I am awake, only that I am in a turmoil. I will concentrate on remembering what the dream is so maybe I can deal with whatever is making me so anxious.

Take care all and baby dust and big bellies (not butts) to all.


SamanthaS - May 3rd, 2005 10:57 PM

oneandonlyme,
This is so hard for you, and I know you have already heard so many thoughtful words.. but now you can hear mine too! As you know M/c is a heartbreaker.. but I believe it has made me stronger as a woman.. I know you will make it through, and be able to start over again. Be strong!

WantsBaby2 - May 4th, 2005 10:37 AM

One and Only,
You can cry on our shoulders all you want to. We will be here for you.

LisainAK - May 4th, 2005 8:33 PM

oneandonlyme - tears in my eyes for you - i can't even imagine...know we are all here for you and understand to some degree - some more than others - know you are cared and prayed for...lean when you need, vent when you need.

WantsBaby2 - May 6th, 2005 2:13 PM

One and Only,
Just checking in to see how you are doing. I hope you are resting and taking care of yourself. I am so sorry for what you are going through. You have been in my prayers.

Wantsbaby2

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