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You are correct that the definition of maturity at the time of retrieval is "nuclear" maturity, since an egg that has not reached metaphase II cannot be ICSI'd.
The egg must have also completed the cytoplasmic maturation process in order to "respond" to the sperm, show signs of fertilzation the next day and continue development. Just because an egg exhibits nuclear maturity does not mean that it has completed cytoplasmic maturation. These processes can be out of synch with each other in stimulated cycles. Although it is common to have a few dissynchronous eggs in every batch, your donor's eggs were really out of whack. Something went realy, really wrong.
The process of cytoplasmic maturation occurs in the follicle throughout the entire stimulation phase (8-11 days). It occurs indirectly under the influence of FSH and LH. I say indirectly because the FSH and LH work through the follicular cells that, in turn, change the conditions inside the follicle to facilitate egg maturation. The cytoplasmic maturation process involves many factors (known and unknown). It is very complicated. There are a few people studying this process in animal models, but whether or not this will translate to humans remains to be seen.
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