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You are correct that the farther down the line you go (testiular, epididymous, vas deferens) the more mature the sperm and the better the fertilization. However, retrieving sperm from the vas deferens is pretty tricky and it is not routinely performed (as you found out when you asked your RE). Testicular sperm yields the lowest fertilization and embryonic growth rate. Epididymal sperm is better, but still not great. These procedures are pushing the envelope of the available technology.
Epididymal sperm does not freeze and thaw very well, so its no big surprise that the frozen-thawed epididymal sperm did not survive. I think they could have warned you that you may need an "emergency" testicular aspiration. Unfortunately, it added stress to an already stressful situation.
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